I Am Woman Hear Me Roar

I was a child during the 70s, and my mother loved music, so radios in the car and in the home always seem to be on. I remember hearing Helen Reddy, an Australian singer, perform a song that became
known as the anthem for women. I didn't understand what feminism meant at that time, but I knew I liked some of the words of the song… And I still do today.

Ive attached a video at the bottom of this post, in case you're not familiar with this song. However, if you were alive during the 70s you'd have to have been living under a rock never heard of the song. It was that big of a hit.

I remember seeing an interview on a talk show with Helen Reddy and she performed her hit song "I am Woman" with one very obvious change. She left out the words "I am invincible". When the interviewer asked her about that she said it was due to a recent battle with cancer and she said she was faced with the reality that she's not invincible. I recently read that she has been moved into an assisted living apartment due to early onset dementia.

Like Helen, I realize that I'm not invincible. However, these past several years I have learned I am stronger than I've ever given myself credit for. Here are the lyrics that I really relate to, and why:

I know too much to go back and pretend ~ I used to love being independent and thrived on not "needing" help from anyone...even my husband, but now I realize that everyone needs help at some point in time. I've also learned that not all doctors possess compassion and caring. 

You can bend but never break me, 'cause it only serves to make me more determined to achieve my final goal ~ I do believe that Satan is the one who keeps throwing these illnesses, diseases, and ailments my way to see if I really will stay strong in my faith, which has backfired for him because my faith has only become stronger. My final goal is, and will always be, Heaven.

And I've been down there on the floor, no one's ever gonna keep me down again ~ this one makes me do a fist pump into the air, because I've had so many doctors who have treated me that way, by excusing me and/or passing me off to a different Doctor so they would be done with me.

I am wise, but it is wisdom born of pain ~ I have learned many lessons during these years I've been forced to endure. I've learned things I never would've learned without this journey. I just wish it didn't have to hurt so much to learn those lessons, but then again I am pretty stubborn, so perhaps this is the only way I would've learned what I need to.

Yes, I've paid the price, but look how much I gained ~ A stronger faith, an even closer bond with my husband, pride in my children as they have stepped up to help, new friends, and a new respect for the little things in life. 

God bless you Helen Reddy, and thank you for a song that inspires me. It may not be in the way you intended, but it has inspired me just the same.

http://youtu.be/MUBnxqEVKlk

Photo Help Please

I have been trying for a few weeks now to figure out how to adjust the size of photos that I share. They are all very small and while I don't want them ginormous, I would like them to be large enough to actually be seen clearly. I have looked through all the layouts and settings and cannot find anything there. I have gone on to the help site and have found nothing regarding photo sizes on there.

Anyone out there that can help a poor confused and very technically challenged woman?

Superbowl Bound!

I love God, I love my family, I love the country that I live in, and I love the Denver Broncos! 

I have been a Broncos fan since I was a little girl. My father was a huge football fan. At that time there was no fighting over the remote mostly because it wasn't a remote. You only had one TV in your house and the dad ruled the TV. The downside was that we always had to watch what he wanted to watch, but the upside was I learned a lot about football and I fell in love with the game. Now let me slip something in here saying that to be honest I would never have wanted my son to play football because as a mom I think it would terrify me. But as a spectator, watching grown men that I do not know and have no attachment to grapple with each other and tackle each other and just pound each other and to the ground it's pretty exciting to me.

When my father was watching a football game one particular Sunday afternoon, I remember walking into the living room and seeing a team that had horses that were rearing up on their helmets the colors that they wore were royal blue and a bright orange. Blue has always been my favorite color, and what little girl doesn't like horses, so my love of the Denver Broncos began that day. I watched them faithfully while growing up and at one point I even fantasized that someday I would be Mrs. John Elway. Thankfully that did not become a reality because I can't imagine spending my life with anyone other than my husband, even though he is a Vikings fan.

As our three children were being raised they too learned about football and have fallen in love of the game. We love the game, we get together to watch the games and if we can't be together we are texting while watching the games. We are also very loud fans! However we are very diverse family now. My husband Jay and our son Austin are Minnesota Vikings fans. I, and my daughter Chelsea are Denver bronco fans. Our daughter Ashley somehow slipped through the cracks and became a Green Bay Packers fan. We consider that one of our greatest parenting failures. Chelsea married Tyler who is a Dallas Cowboys fan. We have found a way to put that aside and welcome him into our family and love him.

Now we have a granddaughter, and I am so proud that Chelsea is determined to raise her right by having her be a Broncos fan from birth. To make sure that happens I decided to do a little splurging on Amazon and the result is shown below. It's perfect since Denver made it to the Super Bowl this year!

GO BRONCOS!!!

Mary Did You Really Know?

Jay and I are grandparents! We are not just grandparents, we are PROUD grandparents, and are convinced (as all grandparents are) that our granddaughter is the most beautiful baby in the whole world.

On December 26, 2015 our granddaughter, Sadie Marie was born at 10:15 PM. She weighed 7 pounds 1 1/2 ounces and is 21 inches long. As you can see by the picture below, she has a full head of hair and she has gorgeous beautiful blue eyes.

The day before she was born, Christmas Day, I found myself thinking about Mary and her being pregnant. I also found that she took it all in stride so much better than I would have. I don't consider myself a prissy woman, but I admit, I do not like getting dirty and I do not do gross and/or stinky.

Here is Mary, this young, unmarried woman who was told she's going to have a baby. I would've been like "Yeah right! Where's the cameras?" And then finds out she gets an arranged marriage, no say in who it is, no say in whether they're tall, short, thin, heavy, or whether she would even find him attractive. It's just here you go...his name is Joseph. Joseph didn't have much say either, but then again this is not about him.

So Mary goes about her pregnancy, dealing with what all women deal with... Sore back, stretch marks, unable to find a comfortable position to sleep in, plus she had no air-conditioning when the hormones are raging. Then comes the day where Joseph comes home from work and says "Honey we're going on a trip!" If that had been me, my first statement would've been "I had better be to a spa, because my back is killing me, I can't even reach my toes to paint them, and my hair could use some highlights." Nothing is written about what Mary's reaction was, but I'm guessing as sweet as she sounds that she was just up for whatever and said "Ok, let's go!"

He meets her out front with her ride for the trip.…a Donkey. When I was seven months pregnant with my son, my husband and I went on a trip where we rode in the van for seven hours. I was still uncomfortable in spite of the fact it had soft cushioned seats that reclined. I had nice cool air or heat blowing on me which ever the temperature necessitated, and I could listen to music or just daydream. Mary got a donkey.  A donkey. They are stinky, they're noisy, and it could not have been a very comfortable ride...she didn't even have a backrest or pillow! 

So they get to their "resort town" only to find that Joseph didn't make a reservation (way to go Joe), and it was obviously tourist season because all the hotels were full. Ugh! I would've been back on that darn donkey saying "take me home NOW!" , but Joseph excitedly says "hey I found a guy that's going to be willing to help us out, and he gave us a place to sleep for the night." To me that would've meant we had to settle for a 2-star hotel with no continental breakfast, but poor Mary didn't even get that. Joseph leads her around behind the hotel to a barn. Seriously, a barn? I would've been so off-the-wall angry and frustrated, and I'm willing to bet Joseph was probably hiding behind one of the support beams in case she threw something at him. But then again she was likely extremely exhausted, and uncomfortable and just grateful to be able to lie down. Even if it was on some bedding...where animals had been laying...and pooping. :-/

I would've told Joseph that he can go over to the other side of the barn and sleep with the pigs, and that he was not to say a word to me the rest of the night. But as luck would have it, Mary has to call to him because her water breaks. Great, just great! This is the most unsanitary place to give birth, but what's a girl to do when a baby says it's time? 

There were no doctors or nurses to call, Mary's mother wasn't there with her, and she had no girlfriends to call and ask to come over to help. It was just her and Joseph. Two young people who have never had a child before, two young people who are alone in a stinky barn, with no crib, no car seat, no cute little matching outfit and blanket set, not even a pacifier. They had nothing with them. But the baby is coming regardless.

So with animals eating and watching her, and Joseph sitting there freaking out because he doesn't know what to do to help, Mary gives birth. Did they tie off the umbilical cord? Did he cut it? We're there even scissors back then? 

They didn't even have a blanket to wrap the baby in after he was born (did they not get the memo that you're to have your bag packed and in your vehicle, or in this case, on the donkey anytime you go anywhere?), and so they found some old cloths in the barn to use, again not exactly sterile, and they wrapped him up in it. Remember how I said they had no crib? Nope, they took one of the little feeding troughs, put some bedding in it, and that's where the baby slept. No matching sheet set, no little mobile, and no cute little pictures on the wall. Not exactly how you want your baby's first day to begin....but they would be quite the photos to show the family back home.

Any woman who's ever given birth knows that there's a very sensitive part of your body that has just been through a war after birth, and for a while, just sitting is just excruciating. Does Mary get a sitz bath? Do they have a bidet for her to use? Did she even get a massage? No, no, and no! What did she get? Another ride on that darn donkey. Only now she has to hold on to the baby, and try to sit on the donkey without the benefit of one of those little inflatable donuts. Nursing while on that donkey had to be great fun as well. If Joseph was smart, he never even looked back to see how things were going as soon as they started on their way.

This explains why God did not choose me to give birth to our king. Mary went through all that with grace, and love, and as it says in the Bible "she kept all these things and pondered them in her heart." Me? I would've been shouting to everyone "You are not gonna believe what Joseph did, and what I just went through!" Thank you God so very much for choosing Mary.

Enjoy the season

For me, the holiday season is about being with family and friends. Of course there is gift giving, and it's one of my favorite parts. I truly enjoy giving gifts. I love paying attention all year and keep track of things my husband or other loved ones have mentioned they would like to have. The best compliment I get is when one of them says "wow...how did you know I wanted this?" I always smile and say that Santa told me. It brings me such joy, and I honestly could care less about ever receiving a gift.

Thanks to online sites like Amazon, gift shopping has never been easier. You can even have the items arrive already wrapped. Easy Peasy. I do a majority of mine online now, due to health issues, but I still love to get out and enjoy all the sites and sounds of the season.

What I don't understand is everyone getting so stressed and grumpy. Fighting over gifts and parking spaces...why?? If it makes you that miserable, do the rest of us a favor and shop online. I happened to be in a store recently, humming along to a Christmas song playing on the sound system, when a

                      

women walked past me and said (loud enough to be sure I heard it) "I am so sick of Christmas music". I wanted to shake her and say "Are you kidding me?", but instead, I smiled and wished her a Merry Christmas.

My daughter and son-in-law are expecting the arrival of their baby any day now. They have been getting very stressed with remodeling and trying to get the baby's room completed, set up and decorated before she arrives. I told them "I know this one couple who were on a trip when she went in to labor. Due to a major event in town, all hotel rooms were booked and she ended up having her baby in a barn. No crib, no curtains, and no cute decorations on the walls." By this time, they knew who I was referring to. I added "If an old barn is good enough for a king, the room you have for your baby is more than enough just as it is. 

The only thing left to do in the nursery is to put the trim around the floor and windows, but they are now taking a break and will finish that after the holidays are over. They are enjoying the season and their time together.

My Christmas wish is that everyone would be able to take a step back and enjoy the season.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

I've got a new attitude

It's been a hard year for me in that my body has not cooperated the way that it should. I have come to know my body better than I ever would've thought possible. I know every little muscle and every little bone and every little tendon or ligament and how they are supposed to feel during different parts of the year.

In winter my pain is never below an eight out of 10 on the pain scale. In the spring and fall it is the most fluctuating time for my body pain. Summer is awesome. I've always loved summer but in the last several years I have gained an appreciation for it that I've never known before. The hotter it is the absolute better I feel. It's as close to feeling normal as I can ever feel.

This year due to health complications I didn't get my July and August in the way I normally do. I was very sick and bedrest for those two months. Since then it's been one thing after another and I am not feeling good at all. I am already dreading winter because I'm not getting the break from the intense pain that I usually have. Because of that I have been really down with my mood. Jay has said I've been more negative as well.Because I don't want to be negative or a Debbie downer, I have been searching books, searching the Internet, and the Bible, to try to find something that clicks with me that helps me. I have read many wonderful things that I have printed out and put into a notebook that I keep, but there just wasn't one thing that really resonated with me.

I called my pastor and went in to visit with him and explain the situation. He explained to me that it's OK for me to get down, it's OK for me to be frustrated, that even Jesus experienced frustration. That's part of being human. The key is to not stay there. Every February or March I start to get excited knowing that I've endured another winter and that spring is knocking at the door. I know that the best days are yet to come. Pastor explained that this is what I need to focus on all through the year, good days and bad days. No matter how bad my days are here on earth,  I have an eternal home where there will never be any more pain, no more tears, no more frustration. He shared a reading in the Bible that immediately clicked with me:

2 Corinthians 4: 

8We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.9We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed... 16That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

How awesome is that?

For me that kind of goes along with my favorite song which is "Because He Lives I Can Face Tomorrow."

                               

The Guilt Of Feeling You're Never Enough.

I am not a fibromyalgia woman, I am a woman who happens to have fibromyalgia. While those statements may appear similar, the attitude and the feeling is much different.

I get frustrated and at times even angry at people's perceptions of those of us with fibromyalgia, or any chronic pain condition.

I had someone tell me just a couple of days ago that if I would just exercise more all my pain would go away. Another person told me to give up gluten and yet another person told me to add certain supplements into my diet. Believe me if there is something out there that says it will help, I have tried it many times. I have learned over the past several years to not try to correct them or educate them because it's not going to go anywhere. I just politely smile and say "thank you I will take that into consideration" and drop it.

The number one thing that I wish people understood is that there is a massive amount of guilt that goes along with having a chronic illness. I feel guilt over the fact that I am not the wife I was able to be, the mother I was able to be, the daughter and sister I was able to be. I have also lost friends, or those that I thought were friends, due to the fact that I am not who I used to be. Other than pain, guilt is the largest emotion that I feel.

When someone takes offense to the fact that you have not taken their advice, or they take offense to the fact that you made plans with them but now have to cancel at the last minute, or the fact that you're not the same person that you used to be, that only adds to the guilt.

Another thing I wish they understood is that we are not lazy. Yes during certain parts of the year I do nothing more than sit in the recliner, lay on the couch, or lay in bed. That is not by choice, it is a need. I take naps almost daily, which is not as enjoyable as you might think. If I skip a nap I am usually forced to be in bed by 8 PM due to the exhaustion. You may wonder how I can be exhausted if I do nothing but lay around all day. My body is fighting a major battle that never ends. That battle affects my body physically in the form of increased pain and muscle spasm's and great fatigue.

Exercising can help, and for some people it helps immensely. This past spring I decided to try to push myself a little bit to walk more, and I achieve the goal of walking in a few 5K races. Most of the time I came in last place, oh who am I kidding… All of the time. But that didn't matter to me, because I was "running" my own race, and I was finishing it. I rejoined a gym that I've been a member of off and on on over the years, and even started to work with a trainer who is also a nurse. She was great and understood my condition and knew how to push me and how not to push me. Guess what though, my pain never left. I would try to go on in spite of the pain, praying that hopefully somehow someway it would help eventually. Now that the weather has cooled off, I had to put my membership on a medical hold again, because it's getting harder for me to do anything including just walking.

I feel horrible guilt as if I've given up, even though I know in my head that's not true. When you want something so bad that it's in your mind constantly, and you cry and pray over it daily, you feel guilt when it doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped. As if there must have been something more you could do, or something you did wrong.

So yes I do have lots of guilt with this illness, and it something I struggle to try to overcome. I know many others who feel the same way I do and it does give me a bit of comfort to know that I'm not alone in this struggle. I will not give up my gym membership, I will not give up trying to walk in 5Ks, I will never ever give up trying to be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend that I can possibly be in the condition that I am currently in.

No I'm not the same person I was, and I will never be that person again. That is been something very hard for me to come to terms with and I have accepted it. But God has reminded me over and over again that just as I am right now… I am enough.